The No-Man’s Land Myth that Young Women Fall For

the path ahead

I’m 23, which means I’m old enough to be an adult, but young enough to still have stubborn weeds of foolishness, insert-foot-directly-in-mouth moments (“When I was young…”), and general lack of perspective. I’m also single, which status means that I’m stuck in our culture’s stereotype of an awkward no-man’s land: not a carefree kid, but (especially according to insurance companies) not a responsible adult.

If you’ve seen a war-torn countryside, you know what kind of a no man’s land I’m talking about: a gray place of vulnerability, purposelessness, and despair. You’re a walking target and landmines and traps and barbed wire abound.

But do I have to be relegated there? Hold the bus, or the horses, or your pigtails—whatever happen to be handy, ladies, because don’t you agree with me that an entire paradigm shift is in order? What if the culture has it wrong about me only becoming truly responsible once I’m married? What if I’m not in a no-man’s land between childhood and adulthood? What if God tailored this season in my life for me as the way I could best glorify Him right now?

Since I know He did {Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”}, I’m going to rephrase that emphatically: God did tailor this season in my life for me as the way I could best glorify Him right now.

And since my season is that of a single daughter at home, and I am positive there are more than a few of you out there in a similar role, then I propose that we stop wandering around aimlessly in our self-imposed no man’s land and realize that we are vital to God’s kingdom right now.

1. Know that you are VITAL to unifying your family.

Vital, essential, indispensable, and pivotal.

“That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; That our daughters may be as pillars, sculptured in palace style.” {Psalm 144:12}

This verse literally says, “Our daughters like corner columns (beautifully) carved.*” And Matthew Henry comments, “By daughters families are united and connected, to their mutual strength, as the parts of a building are by the corner-stones.**” Christ is the chief corner-stone, but the fact that God calls us corner columns triggers the explosion of a million fireworks in my head.


If I am contentious, my family will be lacking unity.

If I am weak, my family will be missing a force of power for God’s kingdom that He intended to aid in my family’s kingdom work.

If I walk away from my role as a corner column in my family, this may affect my relationship with Christ the cornerstone as well as the relationship of other members in my family with Him.

Which brings me to the next point in dispelling this myth...all about the mighty and impactful Kingdom work God has for us girls in this special season.

2. You have a mighty influence on your siblings.

Mighty, forceful, compelling, staggering. More than you know.

And it’s not so much in what you say you stand for, but in how you live your life. If you doubt me, consider the unnamed firstborn of Lot who proposed grotesque immorality to her younger sister and led the way to bearing children who would be forever enemies of the children of Israel and of God. {Genesis 19:30-38}

If I am indulging in habits, even in secret, my siblings will know and will likely follow my example.

If I fail to praise my siblings, they will not respond to my most earnest nagging.
If, twenty years down the road, I realize that one weakness of mine, one cherished attitude or point of pride helped to lead my siblings astray, I will mourn for the time I lost.

3. Your wisdom or lack thereof carries weight for eternity. little girl lost

Weight, significance, consequences, impact, repercussions.

On one of my first explorations into our acres of woods, I spotted a picturesque spot and ran for it: springing right into a line of barbed wire overgrown with foliage. Let's just say that I never made that mistake again! But if you are a single daughter living at home it can be easy to pitch right into the barbed wire of foolishness which comes from either discontentment or carelessness.

I know, because I have been caught in that very barbed wire. Christ knew this, too, which is why He gave the very apt parable of the five wise virgins and the five foolish. They were awaiting the bridegroom in their position as bridesmaids, giddy and excited about the night’s festivities. But even in that seemingly small role as bridesmaid, the foolish ones failed to look ahead and take oil for their lamps.

“And at midnight a cry was heard: 'Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him!'…And the foolish said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.' But the wise answered, saying, 'No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.'


“And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, 'Lord, Lord, open to us!' But he answered and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.' Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming. {Matthew 25:6, 8-13}”

If I am living my life exactly as I am now when Christ returns, will I be satisfied that I did all I could for Him?

The Myth Destroyed

Girls, here is the convicting part: the myth that if you are a single, adult daughter you are in a no man’s land between childhood and marriage is worse than a myth—it is a deception by the prince of darkness. Frankly, the truth is that we are not in a no man’s land: we are in a no-holds-barred, no-prisoners-taken battle.

Satan attacks us with this deception because if he can convince us that contentment will only come with a change in relationship status or that our true effectiveness for God's kingdom will only come when we have a husband, or that true adulthood is only achieved when we are out on our own, or that we are generally in a no man's land between girlhood and womanhood, then he has succeeded in rendering us useless for what God wants us to do now. That is indisputable, so the only question remaining is this: “Which side are you fighting for today?”

Lauren Cash

LaurenLauren's best friends are her family--her parents, Steve and Jennifer, and her siblings.  She is passionate about history, good music, and being a feminine woman in a feminist culture.  You'll find her blogging at One Bright Corner with her twin sister, Mikaela, and typing behind-the-scenes on the Christian Heritage blog and newsletter.  When she's not doing that, she loves running her music studio, being outside, and ministering with her family!


*Gesenius's Lexicon. Blue Letter Bible. "Dictionary and Word Search for zaviyth (Strong's 2106)". Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2012. 28 Aug 2012. < http:// >

**Henry, Matthew. "Commentary on Psalms 144." . Blue Letter Bible. 1 Mar 1996. 2012. 28 Aug 2012.
AuthorID=4&contentID=1267&commInfo=5&topic=Psalms&ar=Psa_144_12 >

“big storm no-man's land" © 2009 filtran. Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license:
“Little Girl Lost" © 2011 Ray Wewerka. Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license:

Posted on October 21, 2013 in Family Discipleship, Personal Discipline, Young Women